At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he told me I talked like a deaf person
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm just crazy horny about you
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
