i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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