the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
