i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
