just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
