lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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