No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
