When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I understand Curling. That high.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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