i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
