there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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