could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
