and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
