just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
