I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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