Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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