Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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