I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
