i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
