tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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