So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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