I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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