Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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