if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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