I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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