her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
