Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
