I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Randomize
