Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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