Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
should my penis look like a turkey
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
