I cannot find my penis.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Randomize
