i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
