she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
