using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
