My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
