Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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