You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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