"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
