Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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