I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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