I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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