she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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