You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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