2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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