the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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