I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
