The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
