Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I can text with my tongue
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
