Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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