Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
