i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
