i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
