never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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