She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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