I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
