How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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