Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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