Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
