i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
