I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
