I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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