batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
