You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize