i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize