I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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