I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
