I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
