I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
