she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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