Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
