I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
